While theoretically the study is rather straight forward and the subject itself is not new for me, I must be honest and admit, taking a fresh look at the subject with where I am currently in my own life is something I have needed.
You see, with the utmost sincere intention and enthusiasm I
enrolled into the accelerated 12month Graduate Diploma program which comes
before a second year for the Masters qualification. I thought, planned, and
prayed, deciding this was the best option so I could attain my goal as
quickly as possible while my youngest two children were still living at home. I
just didn’t factor into my schedule for the unexpected things in life which
seem to come out of nowhere…I also didn’t factor into my plan the need for down
time to simple rest and do nothing, to just be still…
Something I have found personally beneficial for my own wellbeing and self care, is taking the
time to just be still and present. It’s an integral part of enabling me to feel
grounded and ready for the day ahead – this can be either at the start or end
of my day. Sometimes I pray during these quiet moments. Sometimes I just lay,
curled up in my bed and feel the soft fabric against my skin and ponder happy
thoughts. I really need that time with myself alone, where I am not giving to anyone else.
Now back to that plan I made. My schedule in theory was reasonable and attainable but I did not factor in those unexpected ‘miscellaneous’
life happenings, or the need to just do nothing. The end goal was so appealing,
I think it blinded me to my human fragility – yes, my pride was in the way.
Over a month ago I became unwell with a flu virus and to my frustration,
I still am not fully recovered. I found myself needing more sleep than usual,
still lacking energy, and suffering with a lingering, dry cough! I began to
feel overwhelmed with my new work/study schedule. My pride however was honestly
the main source of my frustration rather than my human frailty! I quickly realised
I had made a mistake with my new plan, as I did not allow for the unexpected, or
time to just do nothing! My pride associated in attaining the goal of finishing
the qualification as quickly as possible almost became my undoing…
Thankfully my study mentor gave me a phone call to check in and without being aware of my current struggle, mentioned if I needed, I could change my enrolment to 18 months rather than the accelerated 12 months. I mentioned my health was suffering and would think about the option…yes, my pride was still in the way! I later went to a health appointment and was told my immune system was still low and I needed more time to recover.
I was physically unwell and mentally a ball of stress! I did not want to change my
goal! I believed however, God was speaking to me, so I called my study mentor
back to make arrangements for changing my enrolment – this took letting go of
my pride and choosing the self care option which took mature humility.
Yes, in theory self care is easy…but it’s not always so
straight forward.
I have found taking a fresh look at this important subject
of self care has reminded me the need for digging deep and taking the time for
self reflection to really know ourselves – which does change in different
seasons of our lives. When we take the time for self reflection in humility, this
allows for better self care choices.
They say, ‘pride comes before the fall’ and I must agree
this is great advice. I believe the solution to pride though is both humility
and implementing realistic and personal self care practices.
Once I made the decision to let go of my pride and change my
enrolment, peace followed. After the peace came, I felt the stress leave and
began to enjoy my study. I became aware my focus on the end goal was
hindering my appreciation of the journey and learning. I am reminded once again
an achievement doesn’t define who I am, and external validations are mostly
superficial. Oh how pride truly does get in the way so very often...
Love Melanie.
No comments:
Post a Comment